Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
