I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
