I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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