end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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