Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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