Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
