also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
