soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
