just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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