I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
