I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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