I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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