i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
