I CAN MOONWALK!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
