Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
