we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My penis needs a shock collar
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
