it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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