I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
