I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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