i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
