Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize