So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
