whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
