I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
organizing the empties. That sober.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
