I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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