small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
