I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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