You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
