woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
