I think scott just propositioned me for sex
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
