YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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