i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
