I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
