I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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