You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
