Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
