Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
