I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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