you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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