You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
