how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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