ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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