I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
