If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
