I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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