someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
