yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The ass gains better be worth it
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