i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
