Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
