His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
