I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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