nut hugger
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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