help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
