Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
