they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have aggressive nipples.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
