I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
