You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize