I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
