i just wanna soil my oats bro
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
