am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
