We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
