I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
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I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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