Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
