The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
