Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
