Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
