I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?