real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.