woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.