my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
