3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
