I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
