AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
