guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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