she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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