i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
