Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
