dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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