would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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