I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize