you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
