Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
